I Can’t Even With You

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Today’s PAD Challenge was to choose a well known phrase as a title. Here goes!

I Can’t Even With You

This poem will be a bit facetious
A bit about aposiopesis
It use to be all about that bass
But now that woofer’s been replaced

I can’t even with you
I don’t even have a clue
I’m just shakin’ my head
I’ll just odd with you instead

When she’s using aposiopesis
Seems to me to be a little specious
On those days she can’t even with you
It sounds like a false hullabaloo

I can’t even with you
I don’t even have a clue
Maybe you should just go girl
Maybe just give it a whirl

Cessation of brain activity
Makes for a little festivity
When she tells me I can’t even
It’s not something I believe in

I can’t even with you
I don’t even have a clue
I’m just shakin’ my head
Let’s just leave it unsaid

Three Rs

I’ve loved ABC books and A-Z lists for quite a while. This post is one in a series on writing, with the subtopic of poetry.

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photo by MRWILDLIFE

Rhino Skin

“The failures you face as a writer are more important, because they’re what make you work harder, do better and build up the rhinoceros-hide-thick skin you need to survive in the publishing world.” – Jodi Picoult, author of 23 novels

We’ve all heard about learning from our mistakes. It may sound like a cliché, but it’s a very real concept. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we will suffer from them. But, if we use them to learn to do something better, they became another gift.

Recipe
A story needs three main ingredients: setting, plot, and characters. The type of these will depend on who you are serving. Historical fiction? Then the setting might be a civil war battlefield. Mystery? Then your plot may include a murder. Science fiction? Some of your characters may be aliens.

After you have sifted your main ingredients together, mix in some metaphors. Stir in a few similes. Use a pinch of personification. Add adjectives to taste.

Bake as long as needed in the past, present, or future. Prick with proofreading to see if your story is done. May be served in hardback or soft cover.

Rictameter
The poetry focus is a Rictameter, which is like a Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10; then down again, 8, 6, 4, 2, making the final line the same two syllable word you began with. I had fun crafting this one!

Summer
Wine on the porch
Scrabble after supper
The train echoes long in the dusk
Lightning bugs flicker as the dark settles
A small breeze finally kicks up
Crickets start their chorus
The frogs join in
Summer

Humor in Poetry

I’ve loved ABC books and A-Z lists for quite a while. This is one in a series on writing, with the subtopic of poetry. Today’s installment is just a little fun poetry.

I was going to do H is for Haiku, but I’m going with H is for humor. Some of my favorite humorous poets are Jack Prelustky, Dr. Seuss, and Ogden Nash. .

Here’s my poem:

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The Office

I got the notice in my inbox

The boss wants to see me

Dread engulfs me

Was it something he overheard?

Did I not get the forms in on time?

Has he seen that I was late twice last week?

Or

Perhaps He noticed how many files I completed

Or he heard how I helped Fred with his caseload

And chaired the canned food drive

Stomach is in a knot

Anticipation Expectation Trepidation

The long walk to the office door

Deep breaths

Knock and enter

Baseball

He heard my cousin could get discount tickets

He wants two

Sigh of relief

Then disappointment 

Neither hot nor cold

It’s a lukewarm conversation

Nothing to talk about at lunch

Again

No Mayo!

In E.B. White’s essay on New York, written in 1948, he mentions, “…being slapped down by a bus driver for asking an innocent question..” This brought to mind my one and only experience of being in New York City for one day back in the 1980s.

Chuck and I were trying to squeeze in all we could: our first taxi ride, first ride on a subway, Empire State Building, climbing the Statue of Liberty, and seeing a bit of Central Park. This worked up an appetite, so we stopped at a hotdog vendor. My mistake was asking for mayonnaise. The guy lit into me like I’d asked for chocolate on my hotdog. I didn’t know mayonnaise on a hotdog was a southern thing, or maybe it was just a thing in my family. Talk about being embarrassed.