February 14, 2018
“I feel far away from you. Are you going to buy a dress? Need some help? I love you.”
This was two days after Mom died. We came to Jacksonville to make preparations. I was with my brothers and Chuck was with his. I did buy a dress – a little black dress. He came along and helped me decide. I often called on him to help me decide; usually it was which shoes to wear. I’d put on one of each, stand on one leg and then the other while he pondered and gave his verdict. He was a pretty good judge of shoes.
So many words from the posts I wrote after Mom died I could write again now…
So I live out my days without
them (him). I take Ruby now on my adventures and listen to lots of music with my husband. (alone). https://angie5804.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/thoughts-inspired-by-my-grandmother-asked-me-to-tell-you-shes-sorry/
she (he) died, things seemed to go out of focus for awhile, and I felt strange to myself.”-from Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry https://angie5804.wordpress.com/2019/10/15/avetts-in-october-9-strange-to-myself/
“Now all my thoughts about
them (him) start with knowing they are (he is) gone.” from Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry https://angie5804.wordpress.com/2019/10/16/avetts-in-october-10-i-have-some-better-words-now/
Last year was hard. This year seems harder. https://angie5804.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/magic-or-meaning/
Death holds many life lessons. I am learning still from Mom, though she’s been gone almost two years. She kept the important stuff: photos, letters, family documents and genealogy papers. She let go of replaceable stuff. https://angie5804.wordpress.com/2020/02/04/life-lessons/
Today is our 41st anniversary. I can’t help but think of my parents who had 41 years of marriage. Less than two months later Dad was gone. I didn’t realize then just how young he was, just 63. https://angie5804.wordpress.com/tag/mom/
I feel far away from you… I love you.